Gremlin In Canada – Christmas Edition

**please be aware that the contents of this blog is based on a true story. What you are about to read is not for the fainthearted. Proceed with caution.

It is Christmas eve, da fuck? where the bloody hell has the time gone, i have been in Canada for almost 4 months now and i am about to celebrate Christmas without my cat…i mean family, without my family. Luckily i have met a bunch of kindly folk who seem to be able to cope with my gremlin ways and are letting me eat turkey with them!! little do they know i will probably consume all the turkey, drink a bit too much and start using my crutch as a sword (oh yeh im on crutches…ooopssie)

so let me entertain you with tales of wonder, joy, adventure, sorrow and moderate amounts of pain. luckily there are no tales of heart break because clearly i dont have time to dabble in that nonsense. so my antics have included 1) a trip to a frat house, which for some reason resulted in being called a “disgrace to woman kind.” 2) a slightly extravagant trip to Seattle 3) a glorious afternoon drinking tea and eating tiny food in Victoria 4) a trip to whistler where i didnt injure myself 5) a trip to whistler where i did injure myself  6) over consumption of sushi 7) dabbles with tinder (which i shall save for tinder-part 2 blog)

This is a picture of Yem and me in Seattle. turns out we both go to the same university in england but had never met. now she cant get rid of me 🙂

Halloween didn’t quite turn out the way we had planned. Probably had something to do with the horrendous queue we stood being squashed and shoved. Luckily the hosts of pre-drinks carried on the night back at theirs.  here is a pic of Hannah as some sort of alien or space girl? (Hannah also goes to Sussex University and is now stuck with me), myself as Pegasus halloween edition and Ashley as wonderwoman

In all honesty i cannot even be bothered to discuss the frat night, all i will say is that frat boys, on the whole, are wannabe lads who are too concerned with their reputation to actually have a good time. The evening was similar to year 7 disco where everyone is to afraid to dance, and those who attended prefer to stand and judge those having fun rather than attempt to let their hair down and actually enjoy themselves. anyway you can grasp the aftermath of this night by reading my facebook status that i posted while in the height of my irritation.

the status goes as follows :

ATTENTION fellow humans. it has been brought to my attention that i am a disgrace to woman kind.
a sorority girl who has never spoken to me has decided to judge me because at a party i was dancing and having fun with my friends. (admittedly i did try to stir the frat pledges into a revolution).
there are so many things wrong with this statement that i have actually stopped eating my pizza to have a rant.
im sorry that im not a very good ‘woman.’ it probably has something to do with the fact that 1.a) i dont pay to have friends 1.b) i dance like a monkey on crack 1.c) i get a bit rowdy.1.d) i am female because i have a vagina but i dont believe that being a ‘woman’ should have particular behaviour traits that define her. do what you want and what makes you happy rather than act according to the views of a sorority girl who is perpetuating a misogynistic and traditionalist belief system
to the sorority girl: i really hope the surgery goes well and you are able to remove the pole so far up you arse hole it has started to rust.
i also really hope that from this day forth you never enjoy a cup of tea for it will forever be cold!
Harriet, Claire, Yem, Kelly we are disgraces to woman kind.
and to the frat boy (thank you for bringing this to our attention i am so sorry for my ridiculous behaviour)
so many emotions right now.

*side note: if you ever fall down a bunch of stairs at a frat party there is a high chance of disgracing yourself and having your social status questioned. (to ma gal who was put through this, you are 500 times the person than this absolute wally and please dont ever forget that)

look how wonderful we are!! why wouldnt you want to be our friends? here we have harriet being kissed by kelly, yem being sassy as always, myself doing my best impression of a member from Kiss and Claire playing hide and seek behind my head (excellent hiding place)

one of the reasons that i came to Canada and in particular to Vancouver was because of the call of whistler mountain!! i had been skiing there several times before with the famalam and it was amazing. So when i finally went back a few weeks ago i was loving life, the skiing was great, the apres skiing even better. as a younglin i never experienced apres-skiing, now as a semi-adult i experienced the joys of whistler night life. sadly this trip was only for the weekend. but fear not, said I, for once i finish my finals i will back on the mountain and this time for 1 week. Alas my clumsy ways prevented me from enjoying all that whistler has to offer. My first day back on the slopes i took a rather awkward tumble over my own ski, my leg twisted one way, the knee went the other and pop went the knee!! yes ouch.The next day i spent five hours in Canadian a&e, which actually wasn’t that bad as i got a rather comfortable bed and strong painkillers resulting in quite a lovely nap. the verdict from the doc was that i have to wear a knee brace and lean both emotionally and physically on my crutches for three weeks. What a bugger ey?? So there ended my hopes of skiing for the week, apres skiing was doable only in a comfortable seat which sadly narrowed down options of venues. Still it was a lovely week with lovely people.

Here i am in my throne/wheel chair in the hospital.

A true highlight for me was my afternoon at the Fairmont empress hotel in Victoria where i spent a wonderful afternoon getting in touch with my true english nature, drinking tea and eating cucumber sandwiches and scones. I do wish i could be a lady of leisure and spend all my afternoons in such a manner but because i am such a busy and important person i have other ways to spend my hours….

Ladies who luncheon

how do i spend my hours? well mostly drinking sleeping and eating, occasionally exploring and sometimes seeing wonderful sights. As i student i suppose i do spend a great deal of time, not as much as i should, doing that whole studying thing. reading the works of philosophers with views i dont even understand, writing essays which probably dont make any sense and rejoicing when they are over. I have also decided that UBC is very similar a Dementor, for those of you too foolish to know what a Dementor is, it is a creature from Harry Potter which guards the wizard prison Azkaban. by kissing you it delivers a fate worse than death by sucking out your soul. in other words UBC has sucked out my soul and drained me of life. My brain is exhausted and right now im not sure i can even spell my own name… thats not right…..isssyybell…oh this is useless. In my last final, instead of writing about Hegel and Marx i took a little break to start contemplating my lunch and whether i should buy some sushi. I then started questioning whether any of this is real and therefore whether sushi is even real…….the moral of this story is don’t do philosophy??, or perhaps eat before your exam….which i did so therefore eat twice.

anyway i would write more but i’m watching Lord Of The Rings which deserves my full attention and respect. therefore a most say farewell and a very Merry Christmas. 7

Goodbye gentle folk. eat well, drink well, and don’t forget the Tea.


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